final major project - can't believe I'm doing this hahahah
My initial idea for my final major project is to create an uncomfortable installation about the struggles of overcoming binge eating disorder and how it still affects me now.
The following images make a statement on how easily bodies are damaged but also how quickly they recover. Seeing a dietitian while struggling through my binge eating disorder has taught me how thankful we should be to our bodies because of how much they go through, instead of purposely damaging them. I have recovered through that stupid, childish and pathetic disorder, which I wish I didn't go through, it still roller-coasters through my life. Some things I did to my body are un-recoverable, some things I did to my mentality will stay with me for life and no matter how hard I will try it will remain a part of me.
What is binge eating disorder?
It's different for everybody. For me it started off with some harmless dieting, cutting out carbs and sugar. Led onto being extremely depressed about my weight at the age of 14, taking 2 packets of co-codamol (to get high, not to die) and being the next in line to get a liver transplant. Amazing example of fast body recovery - my liver recovered within 48 hours and no transplant was needed, I can't be thankful enough. After that it was fasting, binge eating, fasting, binge eating and my weight would constantly go up and down due to that. Leaving horrible stretch marks in areas of my body. By 16 I was basically fine, mainly because from 71kg I went down to 60kg without trying - thanks to intuitive eating and my dietitian.
Now I try to do what's best for my body, picking being healthy over aiming to be skinny. It gets so hard, the thoughts that go through my head sometimes disgust me. Sometimes wish I was unwell again, just so I'd have the control not to eat and to fast but other times I know that I'm better than that. I know I will never feel comfortable with my body and that goal weight is always at the back of my mind.
So to make things extremely personal and challanging I thought to take photographs of me that I hate because of what I have done/ what I'm doing to myself.
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| Buying clothes a size too small just to motivate myself to lose weight and fit into them. In this case - jeans size 8 because I don't want to believe that I'm actually a 10. |
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| Stretch marks that were caused by putting weight on too fast and then loosing it. |
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| Just one of those drunken falls, another way of hurting my body - but this one speaks of fast recovery. |
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| The aim was always to see the spine and ribs. |
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| Used to feel my collarbones daily to check weight changes. |
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| Fatty bits under armpits were my worst fear. |
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